


Only death can pay for life

by Verdant_Melancholy



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I teared up while writing it, Miscarriage, be warned this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 00:59:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verdant_Melancholy/pseuds/Verdant_Melancholy
Summary: But his eyes were the most terrible part. His eyes saw her, and they loved.





	Only death can pay for life

**Author's Note:**

> Another request. I need to stop hanging out with such pain loving trashcans. They wanted a reverse of a theory going around after the finale so here it is.

Daenerys had been sitting alone for hours when Jon finally found her. 

 

She barely heard him approach the birthing bed, his steps as quiet as his wolf's. _He told me Ghost raged when death came for him at the Wall. Will he rage tonight, when his master learns the truth?_ She could not say.

 

Jon dropped to his knees when he reached the bed and moved to take her hand. Daenerys took it and twined their fingers together. His grip was strong and his skin was warm, as always. 

 

He said nothing. Only stared at her and the small bundle in her arms.

 

Daenerys smiled weakly. "The maester said she took a few breaths after the birth. That she gave a small cry before going still. That's something, isn't it? She came into this word alive. If only for a few moments."

 

Jon remained silent.

 

She didn't mind. Her and Jon had come to such a point that words were not needed. She loved him, and he loved her. That's all there was to it. 

 

"I dreamed of her, you know," said Daenerys. "I dreamed that we'd have a little girl together. She'd have your hair, but my eyes. We'd name her Rhaella for the mother who died bringing me into this world. And she'd be the best little girl in all the realm, because she'd be my little girl."

 

The tears were coming again. Daenerys was tired of crying. But she was also tired of the sorrow and desolation ripping at her heart. So in front of her husband and the body of their babe, Daenerys wept. She wept hot, angry tears of agony. _Why are the gods so cruel? Why must they deny me until the end?_

 

A few tears dripped onto Rhaella's cheek. That only made her cry harder. Her daughter had the softest cheeks she had ever felt. Softer than the finest silk fabrics of Essos. It wasn't just her cheeks though. She was perfect in every way. The dark wisps of her hair were soft and delicate. Surely no other babe had ever had hair so soft. Just her Rhaella. 

 

Harsh sobs began to wrack her body. _Please please please don't let this be true. Please give me back my babe._

 

She knew her prayers would go unanswered in the end. That fact did nothing to stem the fierce tide pouring from her eyes. 

 

"Do you remember what I told you after we wed?"

 

Daenerys looked through blurry eyes at her husband. His face was eerily serene. As if they were discussing an innocent topic that held no great weight to it. There was a queer look in his eyes though. A steel-forged fire that she often saw when he had made a decision that he would not yield from. He had the same look in his eyes on the day he declared that he would leave her and march beyond the Wall to ensnare a Wight. "You said you'd give me happiness. That you'd give me a family."

 

Jon nodded. "I did, and I intend to do just as I promised."

 

She tightened her arms around Rhaella's too still form. They could try again. They could try to have another babe. She knew that, of course she knew that.

 

But is that what she wanted?

 

What happened next was something that would haunt her for years. Haunt her for decades after this particular day, which she would mark as both the worst and best day in her life. A sad paradox she would carry until death.   

 

Jon smiled at her. 

 

It was the kind of smile that left nothing to the imagination. In his eyes shone every ounce of love that he had for her and their babe. In them she saw a flame the color of grey. It burned bright and it burned hot and the sight of it just made her cry harder.

 

"Come now," he said "No more of that."

 

Daenerys tried in vain to wipe her eyes with her one free hand when Jon leaned forward. She watched as he bent to place a kiss on Rhaella's lips. 

 

The air crackled as if a great fire had just passed through. For a moment she felt as if there was pure dragonflame bundled in her arms. 

 

She waited. For how long she could not say. But eventually, she felt it. 

 

Daenerys was a woman grown. A queen, a conquer, and a hero. She understood what the world was really like and that happiness was a fleeting concept that not every person was blessed to enjoy. 

 

Still, she allowed herself to hope. 

 

When she could feel Rhaella's heartbeat against her own, feel the slight rise of her chest, feel as her daughter dragged her tiny fist across her body, Daenerys came undone. Gross, hysterical sobs flooded from her mouth. _It can't be. It is impossible. Oh by the gods, let it be. Please let it be!_

 

Rhaella gave a small cry and squirmed in her arms. Daenerys gave a shout and brought the babe to her face. She rained kisses down upon her daughter who whined under her mother's affections. Her eyes opened for a moment to reveal amethyst orbs that were surely more beautiful than all the jewels in the known world. 

 

Jon had been silent for a long while now. She turned to him, her face full of happiness and love, but stopped dead. She could feel the warmth fade from her as she gazed upon her husband.

 

He had aged twenty years in the span of a few moments. His pale northern skin had turned the color of curdled milk. His dark, luscious locks (how many hours had she spent running her hands through them?) had become brittle and dull. But his eyes were the most terrible part. His eyes saw her, and they loved.

 

She moved to speak, to say what she did not know, but he spoke before her. "I promised, didn't I?"

 

His voice was no louder than a whisper. The kind reserved when speaking of the dead.

 

_Only death can pay for life._

 

Daenerys stared. Horror swiftly replaced the sorrow in her chest. Horror at the truth unveiling before her. Horror at what her husband had done.

 

_I did not agree to pay this price._

 

_It was not yours to pay, my wife. It was mine._

 

Jon reached out a fumbling hand for her. Daenerys seized it with a sudden ferocity. His hand was cold and weak. _Not again_ , she thought. _I cannot do this again._  

 

She could see her husband's jaw twitching, as if he was struggling to speak. After a moment, he said, "I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise that you will love Rhaella. That you will love her for the both of us."

 

"Jon,-"

 

"Promise me, Dany."

 

There was fear in his eyes. But when she gave him her word, the fear left. She squeezed his hand as tightly as she could. _Don't go_ , she begged. _We were meant to be together, forever._

 

She was still clutching that hand when Missandei and Tyrion came in, drawn by Rhaella's cries, so full of life and possibilities.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't even. This killed me to write.


End file.
